Key Point 1: Recognize Expectations Parents who don’t understand their expectations of themselves, the child, their birth children, extended family, and adoption agency, will find themselves cornered in a maze of frustration without resources to find their way out. They find themselves broadsided by shattered assumptions. Ten common expectations ab

Because the child has learned that he cannot trust adults, he tells his new parents what he thinks they want to hear. The parents interpret these as deliberate lies and conclude that the child cannot be trusted.

It is estimated that 50 percent of who we are is inherited. The other half is formed through experience.

Remember: children do not understand confidentiality and should never be given information that, if shared, could damage, hurt, or embarrass their new sibling.

It has never been equal. He still gets more, and that doesn’t matter. I just needed to feel that I was part of the family and important too. It feels good that my parents notice me and are proud of my accomplishments.”

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS 1. Think back on your relationships with your parent(s) during childhood. What do you remember most about how your parents interacted with you? 2. Who were other important adults in your life (relatives, teachers, clergy, and so on)? What was your relationship like with them, and how did they influence you? 3. How were disagree

Dignity and safety preside over everything else.

Frustration, which was the major effect named by many adoptive parents, comes because of three major deficits: (1) lack of validation as being the parent of their child, (2) lack of understanding about the difficulties they are living with, and (3) lack of support.18

For children who have experienced trauma to their primary attachment, the learning process depends on the perceived security of the relationship with the teacher.