When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People

When dealing with the type of toxic person Jesus likened to a pig, you’ll want to play a particular kind of self-defense—guarding your own heart against bitterness and resentment. For me, my best defense in that regard has been twofold: praying for the toxic person and refusing to engage them further. I’m talking to God more and to the toxic person

I know this sounds harsh, but hang with me, because I’ve found this one sentence spoken by Jesus to be a pretty effective Rorschach test. If you live with a high sense of mission (based on Matthew 6:33 and 2 Timothy 2:2), this sentence is gold; it’s such godly, helpful wisdom, and it makes perfect sense.

Jesus told his disciples, “As the Father has sent me, I am sending you” (John 20:21). The classic Christian writer Andrew Murray wrote, “The Lord Jesus gave Himself entirely and undividedly over to accomplish His work; He lived for it alone . . . As with Jesus, so with us. Christ’s mission is the only reason for our being on earth . . . When I beli

God doesn’t “control” us, even in our sin; we cannot and must not try to control one another. When a husband is trying to control a wife or a wife is trying to control a husband; when a “leader” is controlling an organization instead of empowering it; when a child uses rebellion and violence to take over family gatherings; when a colleague gossips,

name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” (Matthew 7:22–23).

For instance, if your parents tear you apart and shame you, you say, “I’m not visiting you or talking with you until you learn how to treat me with respect.” The consequence of their abuse is losing the opportunity to interact with you. When a coworker is abrasive and dishonest, you don’t cover for him or her; you don’t make excuses for them; and y

“Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed” (John 3:19–20).

Here’s the principle that comes from that: Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us.

There’s a terrible messianic complex in many of us that thinks if we were more intelligent or a little holier, if we fasted and prayed a bit more, then everyone we shared the truth with would agree with us and welcome God into their hearts. That didn’t happen for the real Messiah, and it certainly won’t happen for us. It’s okay to walk away when pe