Over time, this kind of solitary sexual expression can become addictive, because it’s detached from the other parts of his life and from his value system. This addictive process is described in Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes.

Attachments are really the life raft through life’s troubles.

Some of the consequences of a MEM living in the False Self are: • Difficulty identifying and expressing feelings • Difficulty with intimacy • Perfectionism • Rigidness • Difficulty making decisions • Extremes of being overly dependent and then overly independent • Needing other people’s approval to feel good about himself These aspects of a MEM’s

“It seems you try to stay as free as possible by being as uncommitted as possible,” I told him. “I admire you for having the spirit to resist being controlled. But can you see that you’re hurting yourself? Your resistance is sabotaging your ability to know what you love and to pursue it with full energy.”

Coming to consciousness is the key to emotional freedom. With consciousness comes awareness; with awareness, the possibility of action; with action, the opportunity for change; and with change, the option to make things better.

When a person is angry with someone from the past, such as a mother or father, he or she may project this anger toward someone in the present. This person in the present usually has some quality that is evocative of the person from the past.

A woman connected to this type of MEM needs to recognize this core reality: He is acting out with her the scene he couldn’t enact with his mother. He demands that his wife tolerate his distance, because his mother wouldn’t tolerate it. His busy schedule is not the reason he is unavailable.

When a mother’s emotional needs are satisfied only by her son, she will not be able to tolerate his natural separations. She will greet his efforts to venture outward with various forms of discouragement and disapproval. In some cases, this discouragement is blatant, but with Sonny it was more subtle. To a little boy, a lack of enthusiasm from his

Placators tend to be compulsive and impetuous in romantic or sexual situations. They leave out the early to intermediate stages of courting (Chapter 7). They go from interest and attraction to sex or (fantasizing about) marriage too quickly. They neglect to consider whether they like the person they’re dating.