“It seems you try to stay as free as possible by being as uncommitted as possible,” I told him. “I admire you for having the spirit to resist being controlled. But can you see that you’re hurting yourself? Your resistance is sabotaging your ability to know what you love and to pursue it with full energy.”

Narcissistic people often have difficulty enjoying children, unless the children are admiring them.

Psychologists describe a person as “individuated” if that person has successfully completed adolescence, ending the period of questioning with a clear sense of his or her own views and preferences. An individuated man has separated from his parents, so that he is now a distinct individual. A MEM is typically not individuated, because he is enmeshed

“The result of psychological incest is the son’s using the mother as model rather than the father, seeing the world through her eyes, sensing the world through her senses. Since she is feminine, such an identification is injurious to his discovery of himself as masculine.”

It can never be a son’s job to soothe his mother’s emotional wounds, lift the burden of her loneliness, or listen to her while she vents about her frustrations.

You might be wondering, “Aren’t family members supposed to help family members?” Yes, but we have to consider the long-term patterns: If the need for help by siblings is a repetitive problem that they really should be solving for themselves, what kind of realistic support can or should a brother be offering?

Second, a little boy cannot be made to feel exploited, intruded on, and trapped by his mother without his budding masculinity and sexuality absorbing the force of the blow. These two factors create a sexual wound that goes deep and straight to the center of his being.

SAFE PEOPLE 1. Tend to express their feelings in moderate and reasonable ways. 2. Tend to be compassionate, understanding, and empathic when you share your feelings. 3. Show interest in you, what you are doing, and how you’re feeling. 4. Are willing to negotiate the relationship. They let you know if they feel there is a problem between the two of

Living under the dominance of his mother had given him the habit of not taking responsibility for his choices and of not accepting them as his own. It created a kind of emotional detachment, a sense of unreality in him for the consequences of his behavior toward others.