These things gave me hope, pleasure, solace. Together, they added up to a fulfilling life.

Processing, on the other hand, allows us to truly come to terms with our trauma and resolve it—to rewrite the memories in our brains with a healthier narrative.

Sufferers of complex PTSD have undergone continual abuse—trauma that has occurred over a long period of time, over the course of years. Child abuse is a common cause of complex PTSD,”

A generous, accessible meditation teacher at the Brooklyn Zen Center insisted to me that even the most practiced monks sometimes got lost and stressed during their meditations, too.

“The abused child…must find a way to preserve hope and meaning. The alternative is utter despair, something no child can bear. To preserve her faith in her parents, she must reject the first and most obvious conclusion that something is terribly wrong with them. She will go to any lengths to construct an explanation for her fate that absolves her

“The Long Arm of Childhood Trauma,”

whirled around the room and counted all the red things: a book cover, a board game, a flowerpot, a dress in a painting, a flower on a cushion. When I ran out of red things, I switched to blue. It seemed like a kindergarten technique, something to calm a toddler out of a tantrum, but I was shocked to find my brain clearing after just a few seconds.

Self-parenting exercises taught me to slowly rebuild healthy self-talk.

I can’t go back in time just to make you happy and make your life perfect.