Advocates had a name for this tactic: DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Make the perpetrators out to be the ones picked on and harassed.

I learned the hallmarks of abusers when I was nine. Because of severe asthma and allergies, I also learned early on that even the best-intentioned doctors embark on treatment plans that can be uncomfortable. But it would be years before I realized how cleverly patterns of abuse could masquerade as sincerity, or how kindly they might be packaged.

Love is the motivation that will give joy and peace when doing the right thing is hard and hurts.

Why don’t victims report? Because most of the time, the only thing reporting accomplishes is heightening the trauma to almost unbearable levels. It invites an audience to view your sexual assault. It’s choosing to have no voice in the process after having it stolen from you. That’s why victims don’t report.

To this day, I don’t remember what official consequence was meted out for our infractions, but I do remember this: My mom was protected. And she was protected because my dad loved.

I knew from you that the work of healing was hard, but possible.

No one was alone anymore.

I wasn’t quite sure what to feel. It wasn’t the timing I would have picked, but in all the darkness, there was new life. And life was a gift. And I was secretly excited, despite being entirely unsure how it would all work out.

I submit to you that the preeminent question in this case as you reach a decision about how best to satisfy the dual aims of this court is the same question that I asked Judge Neff to consider in Larry’s federal sentencing: How much is a little girl worth? How much is a young woman worth?