I only wish I could tell them that in this marriage, occasionally they will suffer—and that not only will they likely endure sitcom-grade squabbles, but possibly even dark-night-of-the-soul despair.

“I learned that you have to pay for indulgence.”

“To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise,” writes psychologist Erich Fromm. “If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and

Forsaking all others means going deep with one person—exhaustingly deep. Sometimes, listening to Neal chatter on, trying not to react defensively, failing, I feel crushed by the sameness, like I’ve landed upon a shrill TV show and there’s no way to change channels.

“I’ve been thinking about this whole other-people thing. And I think after all this time I have a new thought about it: it’s a terrible idea. I mean, I guess I have three distinct thoughts, all totally true. One: It’s hot. Two: It makes me jealous. Three: It’s a terrible idea. Probably, at least until we’re old, it will keep coming up, and we’ll

Marriage isn’t an achievement, the culmination of a love affair, but, rather, the announcement of an intention to live in a new way.

There are moments in my life that from the outside looked like nothing but that I will never forget until I die, and that is one of them.

And also, perhaps, it’s about wanting to shake everything up. The discombobulating excitement and jealousy when someone else enters the picture throws everything into a heightened state not unlike the sexual thrall Neal and I were in when we first met. In the halo of an extramarital crush, the sex we have with each other is more intense.

I love you so much I will never be able to listen to that Taylor Swift song again without feeling sad because you thought it reminded me of another man.