Unmasking for Life: The Autistic Person's Guide to Connecting, Loving, and Living Authentically

The discomfort of the unfamiliar can register as an active threat, and most transitions from one place to another or from one social context to the next happen entirely too fast.

What does it mean to really accept change? It begins by trying something new and acknowledging that we might feel uncomfortable, crave more information, or wish to have greater control over what will happen—but then persisting in doing the unfamiliar thing anyway.

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These were things I had always craved doing but had feared would make me seem pathetic, childish, or attention-seeking.

What if instead of avoiding feelings of social anxiety at all costs, you assumed that you would have an anxiety attack at the conference? Could you accept that as the cost of a new experience? How would you plan to deal with it when it occurs? If you stopped being terrified of having nothing to say to people and instead assumed there would be momen

We think that we are bad people for ever experiencing a feeling that inconveniences others, and we don’t even believe ourselves to be genuine when we’re stuck and need help.

We do need to be able to soothe that anxiety, however, which is where the final step of practicing distress tolerance comes in.

Sudden, unexpected rejections and losses render us hypervigilant, assuming that anything new on our horizon can spell only doom. We’re also incredibly sensitive people, as a group, and some researchers theorize that repeated experiences of sensory overwhelm cumulatively traumatize us.[8]

took a more active interest in other people, finally asking them why they felt the way they did and believed the things they believed. I didn’t have to pretend to naturally understand other people anymore. By being so openly curious, I found it far easier to make friends.