While self-preservation is about existence—being able to keep something whole—real self-care is about nourishment—being able to provide the conditions for growth that prevent us from getting to depletion.

At some level it’s more comfortable to keep the narrative in your head, as that’s where you have control over it. It also means that others don’t have the opportunity to defy the character you’ve made them out to be in your head or to choose a different way.

We’re only going to hear the voices of the people who have the power and privilege to speak.

Emotions cloud our judgment. Stress compounds it. It is good to release and process those thoughts. Just not always with the person they are about. Because once the words are out there, you can’t take them back.

Whether or not we intend to, each of us also silences others.

His enthusiasm, however well intended, made people uncomfortable and silenced group members from telling him what needed to change.

Perhaps this is why people tend to seek out those who are similar to themselves.[15] There is an ease that comes with shared norms and understanding. You don’t have to explain yourself as much. You don’t have to negotiate the rules as you butt up against someone else’s expectations of how you should be showing up. You don’t have to plead for people

Our decisions to follow or challenge the policies and practices that make up systems can change the course of history.

When the world hasn’t been about you, it’s easy to forget that you have needs and a voice.