Time and How to Spend It: The 7 Rules for Richer, Happier Days

The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.’

Intensity – because experiences that engage and challenge us give us a chance to be good at something, and get us into what psychologists call a state of ‘flow’ – they make us happy. Think of skiing or cycling or singing or making love. We’ll also discover why flow is available to all of us – whatever our passions or age or income – because, ultima

The man in hole shape is also, so psychologists have discovered, the one most likely to lead to personal happiness. Studies in narrative psychology have found that there are two distinct types of personal narratives that people tell, and that these stories follow two very different ‘emotional sequences’. In one, the story begins with an event that

As these personal narratives develop across our lives, they pass through three levels. The first stage is Actor. This is when we just act and react in the moment, the role kids typically play. I can see it in my four-year-old son. He bounces from home to park and to his grandparents’ houses, just playing. He’s taking part, but he’s not planning. Th

And anyway, what would you change? Where are you compromised right now? Are you on autopilot, going with the flow of what you’ve always done or was expected of you? Are you still playing a sport or following a hobby you’ve fallen out of love with? Are you hanging out with friends who, truth be told, you’ve had enough of? Are you trudging down a pat

So, there’s another ingredient that also strikes me as essential. It’s this: the story should have a positive ending. To borrow from Vonnegut, ‘because why get a depressing person’ at the end? If you’re going to sell someone on the idea that they should follow your lead, you’d want to tell them that, yes, things are hard now, but they’ll get better

If you think of all the items on the STORIES checklist, it’s clear that each is far less about painting a personality to show to others, and far more about developing your own, internal character. You can’t show character unless you’re tested. You need tension to push against. You need hurdles to overcome. Without those, there is no opportunity to

Tell your stories in the redemptive shape of the man in hole story. Don’t skimp over the tests you faced, the enemies you made, and the allies who helped you. For instance, when someone asks about your weekend away, don’t just tell them the highlights; tell them about the challenges on the way. Or, if you’ve completed a fifty-mile cycle, tell them

human beings, from an emotional point of view, are a bit like bicycles. If you’re not heading towards something, you tip over. Growth, purpose and becoming the person you want to be are all key for happiness.