This Will All Be Over Soon: A Memoir

And the whole point is to not be mad, right? I don’t like that side of me. I want to shut off from people. I resent my loved ones. I feel like a dog snarling in a corner in a shelter, and you feel bad because you know that dog will never

“To Live a Life” by First Aid Kit.

Possibilities. And now I’m slowing down, heading into fall, work, responsibility, cold weather, and darker days, and I have to look side to side to start taking inventory of what I’ve gained and what I’ve lost somehow along the way.

What good is a compromise if you feel you are betraying yourself a little, and then you find out it was one-sided the whole time and it turns out people don’t actually work on an honor system?

I am a solitary person but had work and friends and travel before all this. I could stay in really well because I went out really well.

It was nice, I think. I can’t do this

I don’t mean to say I believe in fate. I just mean I’ve always felt like the chaotic one trying to figure out how to fit into the world around me. Now in this isolation, it seems like the world is disjointed and figuring itself out, and I’m the one with some type of order, waiting on the world to find its axis again.

I keep approaching “okay.” But I’m never fully there. I’ll only ever be “okay adjacent.” I’m everything “adjacent” because words are hard to find these days. I’m living “life adjacent” right now.

I scare people. And I should, I think.