Another reason we’re quick to judge our own performance is that doing so calms us and affords us a sense of control. Unpredictable and ambiguous situations in life can leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed. Focusing and sometimes obsessing over performing tasks perfectly can give us a sense of agency. Before major meetings, I often found myself

Structure’s third benefit—in addition to helping people engage with our communication more fully and remember it better—is that it makes processing information easier.

People are often so consumed with their own anxieties and the impression they are leaving that they aren’t paying that much attention to us. This phenomenon is so well known that psychologists have a name for it: thespotlight effect.14 Most likely, we are dramatically overestimating any negative impressions that others might have of us on account

spend that fifteen seconds choosing a structure and then very cursorily applying it to the topic. Considering the topic and audience, I ponder whether I might use a persuasive structure like Problem–Solution–Benefit, a chronological structure like Past–Present–Future, or a comparative structure like Comparison–Contrast–Conclusion. To my students’

stories. As neuroscientist David Eagleman relates, “[S]tories are crafted to plug into what matters to the brain.”

You can also buy yourself time by posing generic questions that might make sense given the context.

Think of a common communication you regularly deliver, such as a weekly status update or a virtual check-in. Challenge yourself to try different takes. You might vary your emotion, changing your vocal intensity, reframing a statement as a question, inviting others to speak first, injecting humor, adjusting your body posture, and so on.

When others put us on the spot, we experience affective symptoms, those relating to our mood or how we feel. People under the spotlight often feel stressed, pressured, or lacking in agency. They feel vulnerable, overwhelmed, and frightened. We also experience symptoms that are behavioral or physiological in nature. We sweat. Tremble. Stutter. Our

When we deploy heuristics in interpersonal situations, we miss the nuances, including cues related to our audience members’ needs.