Even doing something as simple as choosing not to finish a book I didn’t like gave me more time to read books I loved. And putting less energy into the friendships with people who didn’t understand me gave me more energy to put into the friendships with people who did.

As I poured, I said good-bye to the wasted money, wasted dreams, and wasted opportunities. Or maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it was the beginning of saved money, saved dreams, and saved opportunities.

I’d catch myself dancing in the kitchen as I waited for my coffee to brew. I sat a little taller at my desk, while I worked to cross off every last task from my to-do list. With my shoulders back, I took deeper breaths that filled my lungs and my body with hope. The end was near and I could finally breathe again.

before getting into my car for long periods of time, I would fill my water bottle and travel coffee mug and take them with me. After I did these things enough times, they became new habits. By mid-August, I was feeling good about the changes I was making.

Every purchase I make is carefully considered, not done on impulse.

I valued convenience over the experience of doing anything for myself. That wasn’t reflective of my work ethic overall, and it wasn’t true of all the skills my parents had and passed along.

However, I decided to also set a stretch goal for myself. Stretch goals were something I had first learned about through reading personal finance blogs. People set them to challenge themselves to accomplish something even faster than they thought they could—by stretching their limits, so to speak. I had set stretch goals to pay off my debt sooner.

This was not a diet. I didn’t want to lose weight or change anything about my body. I simply wanted to feel better. It seemed the healthiest thing I could do was be aware of how foods made me feel, and eat less of what made me feel sick and more of what gave me good energy.

Why do my friends still talk to me? I would ask myself. I am a terrible person. I didn’t just feel guilty, I was deeply ashamed of my actions. In her second TED Talk, “Listening to Shame,” Brené Brown says the difference is that guilt equals I did something bad, and shame equals I am bad. I was a permanent resident of the world of shame. I told