When I began to release my people-pleasing tendencies, I told myself that I was writing a new chapter in my life. I imagined myself on some sort of hero's journey, not knowing that I was actually walking into a hall of mirrors.

I assumed that my newfound commitment to self-advocacy would deepen every relationship in my life. I pictured the moment in... See more

Not every relationship survived the hall of mirrors.

Some friendships that I thought were built on solid ground crumbled when we stopped pretending that the foundation wasn't already cracked.

Some people who claimed to love me couldn't handle the weight of my unfiltered thoughts, my newly-discovered boundaries, or my refusal to shrink back into the... See more

If I could time travel now, I wouldn't just tell my people-pleasing self that "the wrong people should love you less." I'd sit with him in his fear and say: "When they do love you less, your heart will break—and that's exactly what needs to happen."

I'd tell him that the ache he feels when someone walks away isn't failure—it's his soul finally... See more

If I could time travel, this is the seven-word lesson that I would tell the people-pleasing version of myself: "the wrong people should love you less ."

I would have told him that the people who can only love a filtered version of you aren't equipped to love the real you.

I would have explained that losing someone because you finally showed up... See more