medium- to long-term relationship perspective, not a short-term transactional focus. Focusing on relationships nurtures transactions, whereas focusing on transactions chokes off relationships.

Being curious is enabled by good planning. To strengthen your curiosity muscles, do some homework. Force yourself to sit down regularly and define a list of questions you wish you knew the answers to—then set about asking them, over time. Planning for curiosity leads you to spend some time simply wondering about other people; acting on curiosity

Trust and influence go hand in hand. The more someone trusts you, the more likely he is to be influenced by you.

to influence effectively, you must redirect your efforts from convincing the other person’s intellect to winning the other person’s heart.

Most people believe that decision-making is a rational process of accumulating facts, applying logic, and coming out with some variation of the truth

Reliability is rooted in consistency, predictability, and a feeling of familiarity. Reliability brings with it a certainty that people know they won’t be surprised by you—they get what they expect from you. Examples of ways to boost your reliability include: State expectations up front and report on them regularly. Make lots of small promises and

Strategies to lower your self-orientation include: Taking the time to find the best solution. Sharing time, resources, and ideas. Asking lots of questions from a place of curiosity to figure out what success for your partner really looks like. Negotiating for a true win-win. Listening even when it is uncomfortable to be silent. Speaking hard

“It’s not what you hear by listening that’s important; it’s what you say by listening that’s important.” Friedman was talking about empathy.

A major factor affecting trustworthiness is the issue of whether you are self-focused or other-focused. A great phrase to remember is this: “It’s not about you.” If you can remember that, then you will always remember trust is about relationships.