The Power Paradox: How We Gain and Lose Influence

We have a deep cultural intuition that nice guys finish last, that one must step on others to rise in the ranks, and that acquiring power requires the cold-blooded dispensing of rivals and even allies. But nothing could have been further from the truth.

Power is the medium through which we relate to one another. Power is about making a difference in the world by influencing others.

When the powerful lose their focus on what others think of them—a myopia that readily accompanies power—they all too quickly act in impulsive ways that undermine the greater good, thus losing power.

In fact, gossip is an ancient and universal means by which group members give power to select individuals and keep the powerful in check (Principle 8).

First, reputations create opportunities for influence. Studies find that if you have a reputation for advancing the greater good, others will direct more resources to you. They will seek you out to form friendships and alliances. They will collaborate with you more cooperatively and effectively.

We resort to gossip to explore potential flaws in a person’s character. Gossip seeks confirmation of character flaws defined by the flouting of principles that enhance the greater good.

In primate social life, human and nonhuman alike, groups give power to those who advance the greater good. This basic power dynamic ensures that groups are led by individuals who will not be their undoing but will instead act with enthusiasm, kindness, focus, calm, and openness, thereby benefiting the groups.

Exploitative, selfish, coercive behavior unravels the fabric of strong groups. Groups know this and also have histories with individuals who abuse power and act in greedy and impulsive ways. So groups choose to give power to people who are enthusiastic, kind, focused, calm, and open.

Our influence, the lasting difference that we make in the world, is ultimately only as good as what others think of us. Having enduring power is a privilege that depends on other people continuing to give it to us.