When we are unsure of whether an important identity has been granted by others, our craving for affirmation becomes more intense and urgent.

I admire the temperament and courage of people who are willing to have the acrimonious argument and stage the defiant protest. They apply heat and they take heat.

Rachel feared that she would need to set aside her grief to make room for her colleagues’ emotions. Their grief—my grief—would be genuine. Her colleagues and I cared about her well-being and we wanted something as well: We had an urgent desire for her to see our grief. We saw ourselves as the good ones, as believers on the right side of history. We

I am not always the person I mean to be,

‘This contest is not for me’ or ‘They’re not gonna get my perspective.’”

Anthony Greenwald recently published the authoritative book on the topic, Blindspot.

Growth Versus Fixed Mindset

Like me and you, they are good people looking to do better, trying to be the people they mean to be.

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, “I was wrong.” —Sydney J. Harris