The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships

In a relationship with a One, honesty is essential, but telling them that they are good in ways that they can hear it is the greater gift. Do it as often as you can in all the ways you can.

If you’re in a relationship with Ones, know that you will have to contend with a critic that you can’t hear, but that finds fault with most of what Ones do and think, and tells them they are flawed in some terrible, unredeemable way. Unfortunately, their method of coping is to find fault in others—often finding fault in you.

Focus on what Nines do as opposed to what they forget or fail to do.

And when they do, it often leaves others feeling somewhat confused, wondering if the Nine can be trusted.

The Withdrawing Stance (Fours, Fives, Nines). These people are slow to act because they are often shy or introverted. They are seen as moving away from others, and their orientation to time is the past.

They think independently and they are content to act alone. Acutely aware of what others want from them, Nines won’t risk their own integrity in order to join in an activity or belong to a group.

There is a certain sense of self-worth and value that comes from standing up for something that is so important it cannot be compromised for what would end up being pseudopeace. It may not happen often, but when it does, Nines and their relationships are changed for the better.

9s: Ones have a lot in common with Nines: both repress anger, though for different reasons. They both also like to ruminate about decisions for a long time, so be aware that someone will have to step up when the time comes for action.

Nines in stress are often withdrawn, indecisive, noncommunicative, secretive, and stubborn. They are usually absent (emotionally and physically), and if they are present, they’re either unable or unwilling to risk connecting with others. Nines don’t want to be controlled or affected by anything, which causes them to diminish the importance of deali