However, pathological narcissism develops from early childhood wounds that manifest in a hunger for perfect attention and admiration that can never be satisfied.

Containment is our ability to control our emotions until we’ve had the chance to think about what we’re doing. It’s the type of boundary that a narcissist will not acknowledge and feels too entitled to practice.

And since narcissists often choose mates with narcissistic wounds, it’s imperative that we focus on ourselves first, and resist the urge to diagnose our friends, lovers, or coworkers.

Narcissists create a web of seduction, intimidation, and control. Partners of narcissists often describe to me the feeling of being under a spell, trapped in their inability to leave and their reluctance to stay.

Being human plagues narcissists. To show vulnerability shatters their image and leaves them with a raw shame that’s so intolerable they often react with the rage of a wounded animal.

The term “mind game” can be used for any strategy or tactic where mental manipulation or intimidation of another person is a goal.

Abandonment fears are not unfounded in relationship with a narcissist. Although a narcissist desperately needs to be in relationship, the exposed shame and painful wounds that are triggered around abandonment become intolerable. In addition, narcissists sense that their partner will inevitably see how inadequate they are and leave for someone else.

“If you don’t come to terms with your fear of abandonment, you will never be able to act with abandon.” (Berenson, 1998) How true this is! If we don’t face our abandonment fears, we’ll never be free. We’ll always be walking on tiptoe, making sure that no one leaves us. We’ll squeeze the life out of our relationships as well as ourselves. In this

I came to discover that underneath these tirades was a chasm of shame and excruciating anguish.