When we struggle, we give ourselves compassion not to feel better but because we feel bad.

{“It’s okay to be a compassionate mess, to be imperfect.” {“Wow, I really screwed up. I wish I hadn’t, but I did. It’s really tough to feel this way. There’s nothing I can do to change the fact that I’m an imperfect human being who sometimes gets it wrong. May I try to accept myself with understanding and kindness.”

Soften–soothe–allow is a set of compassionate responses to difficult emotions we may find in the body. We can offer ourselves comfort in three ways: • Softening—physical compassion • Soothing—emotional compassion • Allowing—mental compassion

There are five stages of acceptance when meeting difficult emotions, and each successive stage corresponds to a gradual release of emotional resistance. • Resisting: struggling against what comes—“Go away! • Exploring: turning toward discomfort with curiosity—“What am I feeling?” • Tolerating: safely enduring, holding steady—“I don’t like this, but

when we criticize ourselves we’re tapping into the body’s threat-defense system (sometimes referred to as our reptilian brain). Among the many ways we can react to perceived danger, the threat-defense system is the quickest and most easily triggered. This means that self-criticism is often our first reaction when things go wrong.

When we are not living in alignment with our core values, we suffer. An important act of self-compassion, therefore, is to identify our values, figure out whether we are living in accord with them, and try to give ourselves what we need. If

When feelings of shame or inadequacy arose, Arun would imagine putting his arm around little Arun-ji, saying kind, encouraging things to him. “You’re going to do great, and if you make a mistake, that’s okay too. I’ll accept and be here for you no matter what.” Arun

It’s common for people to find that it’s a lot easier to feel loving-kindness for a loved one than for themselves. In this meditation, we start with an easy person to activate the energy of loving-kindness, and then we “tuck ourselves in” to keep the flow of loving-kindness going toward a more difficult person— ourselves.

realized that self-compassion was the perfect alternative to self-esteem because it offered a sense of self-worth that didn’t require being perfect or better than others.