And you have to be willing—and so many aren’t—to make choices. To recognize that saying “yes” to one thing inevitably means saying “no” to something else. You have to weigh those consequences and put your chips on the table. Trying to do it all means nothing of substance will ever get done.

Terry did something that more of us should: he identified the key values he wanted to use in evaluating opportunities. In his case, it wasn’t money (if it were, he would have said yes instantly). Instead, he prioritized time with his family and the ability to work on interesting projects. That enabled him to cultivate the resolve necessary to stand

“Yes” is easy in the moment, for so many reasons: We don’t want to disappoint others or let them down. (She was counting on me!) We’re worried about negative judgments. (Will she think that I think I’m too good for her?) We don’t want to have hard conversations, and it’s easier to avoid them. (What will I even say?) We like feeling important and

If a goal is worth pursuing, it’s worth pursuing the version of it we actually want—not one that’s watered down to protect our ego. Big goals on their own might feel paralyzing. How do you even start to write that novel? But big goals coupled with small, consistent efforts can be exactly the galvanizing force we need to achieve something powerful,

it takes strength to go against the prevailing culture. That’s both internal strength, because we have to face down uncomfortable questions about who we are and what we really want, and external strength, because we have to deal with bosses and colleagues and clients who are still used to measuring productivity through face time and volume.

The whole point of playing the long game is understanding that ridiculous goals are ridiculous right now—not forever. When we force ourselves to take our goals to extremes—What would ultimate success look like?—we can create an honest road map for ourselves. It might take five years, or ten, or twenty. But that time will pass anyway.

Frances Frei and Anne Morriss tackled in their book Uncommon Service.

To overcome an extreme enemy—his health challenges—he created an extreme goal for himself. And day by day, through his unglamorous regimen of physical therapy and strengthening exercises, he made his vision real.

He didn’t build a frenetic business for himself and then try to jam family time into interstitial moments. Instead, from the beginning, he built systems and structures around the time he planned to spend with them.