sometimes I get the feeling that the Luggage knows exactly what it’s doing.’

‘Inside every sane person there’s a madman struggling to get out,’ said the shopkeeper. ‘That’s what I’ve always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.’

THE SUN ROSE slowly, as if it wasn’t sure it was worth all the effort.

‘He’sh mad?’ ‘Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money.’ ‘Ah, then he can’t be mad. I’ve been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he’sh just ecshentric.’

He may be deaf and a little hard of thinking, but elderly wizards have very well-trained survival instincts, and they know that when a tall figure in a black robe and the latest in agricultural handtools starts looking thoughtfully at you it is time to act fast.

Oh well, all right. The point that must be made is that although Herrena the Henna-Haired Harridan would look quite stunning after a good bath, a heavy-duty manicure, and the pick of the leather racks in Woo Hun Ling’s Oriental Exotica and Martial Aids on Heroes Street, she was currently quite sensibly dressed in light chain mail, soft boots, and a

If the laws of action and reaction had anything to do with it, it should have flopped to the ground a few feet away. But no one was listening to them.

(Rincewind had in any case seen his past life flash in front of his eyes so many times that he could sleep through the boring bits)

‘Look,’ said Rincewind urgently. ‘Druids are priests. You must remember that. Don’t do anything to upset them.’ ‘But—’ ‘Don’t offer to buy the stones.’ ‘But I—’ ‘Don’t start talking about quaint native folkways.’ ‘I thought—’ ‘Really don’t try to sell them insurance, that always upsets them.’ ‘But they’re priests!’ wailed Twoflower. Rincewind pause