The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

You need to heal the effects of a difficult childhood or dysfunctional family (and also of traumas experienced at a later age).

average gender differences have declined with each generation. We all need to express our feelings

rights and strengths, which Diane

emotionally. The fact is, although both genders do it, it is mainly when women demand and men withdraw that relationships are highly troubled, polarized, and likely to end.

For example, often non-HSPs think everyone should enjoy noisy restaurants or “small talk,” and someone who doesn’t is just being fussy, difficult, or demanding. No, this difference makes noisy restaurants and trivial conversations fine for some, but almost unbearable to those who are highly sensitive. Again, this trait is real.

HSPs who are also HSSs need special help finding their optimal level of arousal. You are easily bored and easily overwhelmed. You are often in conflict about going out or staying home, doing more or doing less, and it isn’t just about wanting to be like the non-HSPs around you.

Research indicates that those who stick to traditional male-female roles on the average have the least happy marriages and are less responsive to marital therapy.

For example, research shows with perfect consistency that people in relationships are happier when women and men behave in what in the past has been seen as a traditionally “feminine” way—that is, warm, nurturing, emotionally expressive, and eager to discuss the relationship.

The Research on Depth of Processing Depth of processing is the key to sensitivity, and the most difficult to actually observe or ask questions about. One way it shows up is that HSPs simply seem to have thought through all aspects of a subject, especially a decision they must make, from choosing the flavor of ice cream they want to their thoughts o