HSPs’ strong reactions, especially to negative feedback about anything personal or about their performance, is why they are often said to “overreact” to criticism, especially by those close to them.

You need help being out in the world, while still maintaining your optimal level of arousal. HSPs should be out there, involved, and successful, and we can be; but it must be in a balanced way—neither too protective of nor too brutal with ourselves.

HSPs are that 15 to 20 percent of the human population born with a nervous system genetically designed to be more sensitive to subtleties, more prone to deep reflection on inner experience, and therefore inevitably more easily overwhelmed by outer events.

You need ample permission to turn off some of your sensitivity to the needs of others. This is not selfish—for example, it could make your partner a far happier person. When you try to behave like a non-HSP and help everyone whom you sense needs it, you are bound to succumb to overarousal.

average gender differences have declined with each generation. We all need to express our feelings

what’s called “feminine” is simply “normal human.”

For example, research shows with perfect consistency that people in relationships are happier when women and men behave in what in the past has been seen as a traditionally “feminine” way—that is, warm, nurturing, emotionally expressive, and eager to discuss the relationship.

So if you compare, for example, HSPs and non-HSPs who had the same level of troubled childhood, the HSPs would be more depressed, anxious, and shy as adults, and would struggle with insecurity in relationships, as described in this book. However, with a good enough childhood, they do not have these problems and can function better than others. Whil

we can have special difficulties with the other gender—mistrust, fear of rejection, misunderstandings. These have to be faced before going any farther in this book.