How have we gone so wrong that so few of our bestselling Christian books contain healthy teachings, and so many contain the most harmful ones? Why is it that the bestselling secular marriage book scores near perfectly, while the bestselling Christian marriage book that met our criteria fails abysmally?7 Where is discernment in the evangelical

The message that “whatever you are feeling doesn’t matter, you need to have intercourse with your spouse” erases you as a person. It says that who you are, including your wants, desires, and feelings, doesn’t matter. Then sex, which is supposed to be this deep knowing, becomes something far different.

When I’m on Christian radio talking about The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, it’s generally assumed that I won’t say the word sex in case children are listening. We have to say intimacy instead. But perhaps that’s part of the problem—we’re treating intimacy and intercourse as if they’re always synonyms. But are they?

It’s much harder for the clitoris to receive any attention during penetration if he has an overhanging belly, since his pelvic bone can’t stimulate her in the right way. And when your spouse is very heavy, breathing becomes difficult if he’s on top. In addition, when one or both spouses have more paunch, the usable length of the penis decreases.

Sex can’t be intimate if you feel like you don’t matter. In fact, that’s not even sex as we’ve defined it. That’s only intercourse, and that’s a pale imitation of what God intended.

Intimate sex requires that you feel as if your spouse values you not just for what you can give them but for who you are. Sex can’t be about saying, “I want you,” if who you are is being covered up by an expectation of who you should be.

Defeating lust is not about limiting a man’s encounters with women; it’s about empowering men to treat the women around them as whole people, daughters of Christ. The key to defeating lust is not to avoid looking at women; it’s to actually see them.

So many of us put up with mediocre sex for so long because we don’t realize there’s anything better.

Yes, there’s a specific verse that speaks about the importance of meeting each other’s sexual needs, but that doesn’t mean that this is the most important need. The Bible may not speak specifically about her need for sleep or about her need for emotional safety or about her need to protect her physical health. But the Bible does give us principles