Rather than attempt to answer this question by utilizing the methods of the investigative reporter—legwork, research, and digging for facts—I decided instead to employ those of the irresponsible wag: lying on the sofa, talking on the phone, and making things up.

The glamour of alienation

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Ordering in Some Breakfast. Picking Up the Mail. Going Out for Cigarettes. Meeting for a Drink. As you can see, these are largely urban activities and, as such, not ordinarily regarded with much respect by sports enthusiasts. Nevertheless, they all require skill, stamina, and courage. And they all have their penalties and their rewards.

THE BY-PRODUCTS OF OPPRESSION AND/OR REPRESSION

If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.

THE BY-PRODUCTS OF FREEDOM AND/OR LICENSE

My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two-thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.

There is no such thing as rock and roll in Italy, so all the kids there want to be movie stars instead of heroin addicts.