The Empathy Trap: Lessons from Contemplative Medicine | Jud Brewer | New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care

In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience—our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. C

What are these patients trying to cope with? What are their internal or external resources? How do they calm themselves down? Do they have caring relationships with their bodies, and what do they do to cultivate a physical sense of power, vitality, and relaxation? Do they have dynamic interactions with other people? Who really knows them, loves the

While empathy is essential, if we over-identify with the person or people hurting, the empathy turns into empathic distress, where our own discomfort ironically takes center stage. We collapse or run away.

Embodied empathy doesn’t allow you to betray yourself and give more than you have.

Ironically, those among us who are highly sensitive and empathetic are the most likely to be burnt out by over-giving.