Even with feelings of insecurity, the client increasingly is able to take in and enjoy the nurturance that is offered, feeling gratitude and satisfaction.

Looking at my list of mothering functions, many of those I interviewed told me their mothers had fulfilled none of them.

Sometimes the mothers start reaching out when they are widowed, lonely, and need more support themselves. It is often in their advanced years that the mechanical mom finally becomes human.

What I am describing is really a combination of the roles of Mother as Mentor (providing calibrated help) and Mother as Modulator (ensuring the child doesn’t get overwhelmed).

your patterns in relationships throughout your life and specifically your ability to form strong bonds with others

A quiet, receptive state can facilitate this more easily than thinking too hard.

Create a list of things you can do when you need to feel nurtured. Look for healthy things, perhaps things a Good Mother would suggest or provide, like a hot bath, a foot rub, curling up in a comfy chair with a comforter and a good book, or making a pot of soup or a nourishing hot drink.

emotional wounds of any kind involves becoming emotionally fluent, able to experience and distinguish among a vast array of emotions without being slave to any of them.

Rather than get caught in childhood feelings that are triggered, we can learn to turn our attention slightly and ask the child inside what it needs now. We can respond to the feelings rather than stay trapped in them.