Knowing that ruptures can be repaired is another aspect of secure attachment and contributes to a child’s sense of resilience.

inability or unwillingness to interact socially with an adult trying to establish contact.

The Good Mother’s guidance honors the child’s limitations without drawing attention to them and without an attitude that the child should be one step ahead of where he is. Skillful guidance feels comforting rather than controlling or invasive.

(Imagine nine or ten! In large families, older children often take on parenting responsibilities for the younger ones and serve as surrogate mothers.)

Some of these child states are wise, some are creative, and some carry specific experiences, such as trauma or the abandonment wound.

Good self-care is being kind to yourself. Can you speak to yourself with as much empathy and caring as you would to a loved one? Can you touch your face or your arm with

A few of those I interviewed said that their parents had evolved over time without obvious intervention and were good grandparents. I suspect these are cases where there were specific stresses that interfered with their parenting or where they matured through some process of growth. Others became totally disengaged, under-responsive grandparents,

This is not always the case, for sometimes an inner child will initially respond with mistrust. Just as a child who has been hurt or abandoned too many times by Mother will not open his arms to her, the inner child may react similarly.

Although it may feel like the pain could go on forever, it won’t. Not if you can stay present with it. When emotions of any kind are contacted (felt) in a genuine way, they change.