The Earned Life: Lose Regret, Choose Fulfillment

Begin with a basic question. “What do I want to do for the rest of my life?” “What can I do that’s meaningful?” “What would make me happy?” These are not basic. They are deep, multifaceted questions that should be asked throughout your life (but don’t expect an easy or quick answer). Basic questions address one factor only—because for nearly all of

Recapturing that sense of fulfillment cannot be accomplished by wallowing in memories of who we were and what we accomplished. It can be earned only by the person we are in the moment at hand.

Letter Two: Now write a letter from the present you to a future you, one year, five years, ten years down the road. Spell out the investment—in the currency of sacrifice, effort, education, relationships, discipline—that you are making now to benefit the person the letter is addressed to.

It forces you to regard your well-intentioned efforts today as an investment in the people you are most responsible for raising into productive, happy human beings: yourself and those you love most. It is not a gift; you’re expecting a return.

Creating an earned life begins with a choice—sifting through all the ideas you harbor for your future (assuming you have ideas) and choosing to commit to one idea above all the others.

“We tremble before making our choice in life,” wrote Isak Dinesen, “and having made it again tremble in fear of having chosen wrong.”

We all need help. Accepting that fact is an act of wisdom, not a sign of weakness.

An earned reward not connected to a higher purpose is a hollow achievement—like a basketball player who’s interested only in maintaining his high scoring average rather than making the myriad sacrifices (e.g. taking a charge, diving for loose balls, guarding the opponent’s best player) that win close games and championships.

A successful photographer can make a midlife conversion to cinematographer or director, but she probably can’t remake herself into a brain surgeon. Cinematography and directing are adjacent in ability and understanding to photography (working with cameras, people, and ideas); neurosurgery is not. That’s what makes adjacency an interesting considera