I used to feel I had this good childhood, and then off to the side was this horrible, shameful abuse. But now I know there was only one child and she lived through it all.

We live in a society of fast food, e-mail, and instant messaging. We are taught to expect results immediately. But deep change takes time.

classic symptoms of sexual abuse—feeling suicidal, running away, a high pain tolerance, spacing out, not being able to succeed at anything, denial, always being isolated.

The fact that someone else has suffered from abuse more severe than your own does not lessen your suffering. Comparisons of pain are simply not useful.

Abused children rarely have this kind of support. They cannot afford to feel the full extent of their terror, pain, shame, or rage; the agony would be devastating.

Many survivors feel: • Bad, dirty, or ashamed • Powerless, like a victim • Different from other people • That there’s something wrong deep down inside • That if people really knew them, they’d leave Some survivors: • Hate themselves • Feel immobilized or can’t get motivated • Are unable to protect themselves in dangerous situations • Have

Forgetting is one of the most common ways that children deal with sexual abuse. The human mind has a tremendous capacity to protect us from realities that are too painful for us to bear. Many children begin blocking out the abuse, even as it is happening to them:

Many survivors have been too busy surviving to notice the ways they were hurt by the abuse. But you cannot heal until you acknowledge the impact of the abuse.

Children raised in an emotionally supportive home are not talked out of their feelings or punished for them. Because of this, they learn that feelings are not dangerous.