The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

Abused children often learn to block out their pain, because it is too devastating or because they do not want to give the abuser the satisfaction of seeing them cry. But since it’s not possible to block emotions selectively, they may simply stop feeling.

Defensive reactions are more likely if the security or status of the family is threatened by the disclosure. Parents are more likely to be supportive when the abuser is a stranger, a teacher, a coach, or a minister rather than a relative. When a brother, father, aunt, or grandmother is implicated, families often close ranks and deny the abuse, leav

Forgetting is one of the most common ways that children deal with sexual abuse. The human mind has a tremendous capacity to protect us from realities that are too painful for us to bear. Many children begin blocking out the abuse, even as it is happening to them:

Abused children rarely have this kind of support. They cannot afford to feel the full extent of their terror, pain, shame, or rage; the agony would be devastating.

classic symptoms of sexual abuse—feeling suicidal, running away, a high pain tolerance, spacing out, not being able to succeed at anything, denial, always being isolated.

If you start to feel overwhelmed and panicky, breathe. Sit with the feeling. Often women think they have to do something quickly to get away from the feelings of terror and alarm, but this frenzy to escape can escalate your fear rather than relieve it. Don’t rush into action. Instead, reassure yourself that this is just a feeling, powerful though i

We live in a society of fast food, e-mail, and instant messaging. We are taught to expect results immediately. But deep change takes time.

DISSOCIATION Children who are abused often disconnect from their bodies so that they will not feel what is being done to them. When an experience is too painful to endure, children emotionally and psychically separate from the experience.

Abuse interrupts this process of developing positive self-esteem. When children are abused, their boundaries, their right to say no, and their sense of control in the world are violated. They feel powerless.