In Adlerian psychology, a human being’s most fundamental need is the “sense of belonging.” In a word, we do not want to be isolated. We want to have the real feeling that “it’s okay to be here.” Because isolation leads to social death, and eventually even to biological death. Now, how can they gain a sense of belonging? … By gaining a special posit

You took the step. You took a big step. Now, however, not only have you lost courage and let your feet come to a halt, you are trying to turn back. Do you know why?

Why can’t you take off the mask when you are with a normal friend? YOUTH: Because if I did such a thing, the relationship would fall apart! You can talk all you want about “the courage to be disliked” and such, but there’s no such thing as a person who would actually wish to be disliked. We wear the mask to prevent needless conflict from arising, a

Put the other way around, nothing is scarier to humans than isolation. Isolated people have not only their physical security threatened, but their mental security as well. Because instinctively, we are well aware that we cannot live alone. As a consequence, we are always longing for a strong “connection” with other people. … Do you understand what

on being accepted by another person “as one is,” one is likely to gain a great courage. And respect may also be regarded as the starting point of encouragement. YOUTH: No way! That is not the respect that I know. Respect is a kind of emotion akin to yearning, a sort of imploring that one can rise to the occasion! PHILOSOPHER: No. That is not respec

In Adler’s time, however, there was no psychologist more concerned with education. To Adler, education was not simply a core task—it was also the greatest hope.

The most important point of difference is the presence or absence of “story.” Religion explains the world by means of stories. You could say that gods are the protagonists of the grand stories that religions use to explain the world. By contrast, philosophy rejects stories. It tries to explain the world by means of abstract concepts that have no pr

Adler liked to use the following expression. What we need is “seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”

By practicing it yourself, you will show them what it means to have respect. Teach them how to build the kind of respect that is the cornerstone of all interpersonal relationships, and show them what a respect-based relationship can be. As Adler tells us, “Cowardice is contagious. And courage is contagious too.” Naturally, respect also becomes cont