it's not actually about the getting

there's a difference between attachment to outcomes and honoring your desires. You can want something deeply while still holding it lightly. You can put yourself out there, ask for what you need, reach for what calls to you, without making your worth dependent on getting it.

I started practicing wanting things the way other people practice yoga or meditation. Small things at first

I started practicing wanting things the way other people practice yoga or meditation. Small things at first. Asking for extra foam in my coffee instead of just accepting whatever they gave me. Telling friends what movie I actually wanted to see instead of deferring to whatever they preferred. Wearing the dress that made me feel beautiful even if it... See more

Because somewhere along the way, I'd learned that wanting things, especially romantic things, especially things that required another person to cooperate with your dreams, was setting yourself up for humiliation.