The Compassionate Mind (Compassion Focused Therapy)

disconnection. When trying to deal with their anger at life or at the deities that have let them down, or with their rage at their parents who were supposed to be loving and loved, people can be so frightened of their emotions and so want to be loved or protected by parents or partner that they can suffer a kind of inward collapse. So sometimes sel

Now guilt is very different. When we feel guilty, we’re able to be open about the things we might have done: ‘Oh, gosh, did I do that – I’m really sorry!’ Our facial expressions and feelings are quite different – no head down or hiding away here. Our feelings are of wanting to repair, to reach out, whereas in shame we want to pull away or attack. I

key for you, you might find The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing yourself from chronic unhappiness by Mark Williams and his colleagues very helpful.7 The point

both perpetrator and victim. They are brought together and directly confronted with the pain of the other. Rather than shame emotions, which can turn to self-justification, anger or denial of the seriousness of what has been done, the focus is on developing mutual empathy: in the perpetrator, a sense of remorse, sadness and guilt; in the victim, mo

What you’re doing in these exercises is practising overruling your threat/self-protection system, which is determined to focus you on the glass as half empty. Its job is to warn you that you might run out of water or to make you exclaim: ‘Hey, what happened to the other half? Some bugger drank it!’ It’s what it’s designed to do, and you could let i

Anger at others and self-criticism are common problems that deprive many people of happiness and a sense of well-being and purpose. The ease by which such things can be aroused can be linked to painful past memories and experiences. Self-criticism and shame also maintain our sense of threat by stimulating the threat/self-protection system.

It takes courage not to act out of guilt but from a genuine belief of what is best for others. This is true of many things in life, isn’t it? And, of course, we can’t always be sure what is actually in the best interest of others.

your arms at right angles to your body. Note how your body feels and how gently grateful it is to you for spending time trying to let go of tension. Spend a moment really trying to experience the idea of your body being grateful to you for spending time with it. When you’re ready, get up and carry on with your day.

Note as well that what the human brain will do is to put a label on each of these complex feelings. The problem is that the label might not be very accurate but only the nearest approximation of what we feel. For example, people can experience the pain of having a sense of separation from others, which might be linked to emotional memories of other