“This means that we do not mistreat others because their humanity is hidden behind a stereotype, but we stereotype them—we lump them into stereotyped groups—in order to justify our mistreatment of them.”

What’s more, this kind of listening will most often lead to a sense of something we can do to help things go right.

We give ourselves the best opportunity to make clear-minded decisions only to the extent that our hearts are at peace.”

A culture of change can never be created by behavioral strategy alone. Peace—whether at home, at work, or between peoples—is invited only when an intelligent outward strategy is married to a peaceful inward one.

“Build the relationship” in the next level of the pyramid. “What if my relationship with the people who work for me, for example, is poor?” Yusuf asked. “What impact do you think that might have on my ability to learn from them and the effectiveness of my teaching?”

‘We and our enemies are perfect for each other. Each of us gives the other reason never to have to change.’

We join them in the limitations they face and hold ourselves to the same requirements.

Not the kind of listening that sorts what others say (or don’t say) through the lens of our justification-seeking agenda. Not the kind of listening that intensely looks for fallacies and logical flaws. Not the kind of listening that pounces on inconsistencies or a poorly chosen word or phrase.

Maybe you have a box about needing to be seen as helpful, for example, or thoughtful or kind or as a kind of superwoman. Any need-to-be-seen-as boxes like those would likely multiply in your mind the list of obligations you think you have to meet. And when you aren’t able to meet them, they rob you of peace.”