The Anatomy of Peace, Fourth Edition: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

Yusuf added “Teach and communicate” to the level below “Correct” on the pyramid. “It is no help to tell you to get out of the box,” Yusuf continued, “if you don’t even know what the box is. Likewise, any correction at work will be for naught if the people I am trying to correct lack the information they need to perform their jobs.

But think of correction of biased and discriminatory behaviors, practices, policies, and structures as the very top of the Influence Pyramid that you learned about in this book. While our solutions at the correction level might be precisely what is needed and our communication with our employees regarding these changes might alleviate our felt need

The pyramid reminds parents of the same thing—that they must build relationships with those who have influence with their children, beginning with their spouse. Or former spouse, for that matter.”

Getting out of the Box: 1. Look for the signs of the box (blame, justification, horribilization, common box style, etc.). 2. Find an out-of-the-box place (out-of-the-box relationships, memories, activities, places, etc.). 3. Ponder the situation anew (i.e., from this out-of-the-box perspective). • What are this person’s or group’s challenges, trial

What are this person’s or group’s challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials, burdens, and pains? • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group? • In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than, and need-to-be-seen-as boxes

“In every moment, we are choosing to be either like Saladin or like the crusading invaders. In the way we regard our children, our spouses, neighbors, colleagues, and strangers, we choose to see others either as people like ourselves or as objects. They either count like we do or they don’t. In the former case, since we regard them as we regard our

“Build the relationship” in the next level of the pyramid. “What if my relationship with the people who work for me, for example, is poor?” Yusuf asked. “What impact do you think that might have on my ability to learn from them and the effectiveness of my teaching?”

Mike nodded. “Getting on their level helps us invite their hearts to be at peace rather than go to war.”

“Then when I feel stuck in the box and desire to get out, I can find an out-of-the-box place—