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It is similar with courage, creativity, and every other way a person wants to act or relate to others. A courageous statement on Twitter might lose you followers, or lead to a pile-on, which makes twitter less of a good place to practice courage.

Meanwhile, the software looks like its succeeding (in terms of engagement), but it sucks in terms of what it does to our lives.

o make things concrete, it helps to break down "how someone wants to live" into atoms, which I call values. For instance, someone might want to live honestly, courageously, creatively, etc.

Some social technology makes being honest more difficult: for example, it may be harder to be honest on Instagram, if honest posts get fewer likes, or are harder to caption well.