The opposite of patriarchy isn’t matriarchy as defined by women ruling over men—the opposite of patriarchy is community.

"Capitalism and patriarchy together, as structures of domination, have worked overtime to undermine and destroy the larger unit of extended kin."- bell hooks

Who actually benefits when we obsess over self-optimization?

Billionaires.

So very many corporations and industries have a vested interest in us 1. Remaining isolated and 2. Blaming ourselves for all of our problems.

This keeps us on the merry-go-round of shame and consumption-as-solution-to-shame that corporations benefit from so much.

The weight loss

“The thing you are sold in developed nations is that you have everything. Oh it’s great- the roads work and the schools are fantastic and there’s healthcare, this is a great country to be in…. The one thing that nobody seems to tell you is that as a country becomes more and more developed, the thing that gets eroded is community.

The village

Eventually Maslow realized the gaping hole in his theory: community. (Two of my other favorite topics of human thriving also made the list: lack of dominance and equality) Twenty-three years after he published his hierarchy of needs he wrote:

“… self-actualization is not enough. Personal salvation and what is good for the person alone cannot be

Strong connection with others is the #1 predictor of happiness, but again and again and again, we reach for self-optimization instead.