They’re also anxious because their belief is that they’re utterly alone in the world. If no one can love them then they possess no emotional security at all. Anything bad can happen at any time and no one will come rescue them.

Observe these people. Watch how they work and how they perceive problems differently from you. Read their books. Write to them and express an interest in becoming more like them. Ask for advice. So many people fail to get help because they think no one will have time for them, but the vast majority of people who’ve worked hard to be where they are

When I feel stressed, what calms me down? When I think of having a perfect day, what activities do I see myself doing?

you hold out your right hand palm upward and say, “What’s it gonna take?”

When both friends have healthy attachment styles the framework develops in an open and explicit way.

Generally speaking, in their close relationships insecure individuals experience “episodes” where stress builds, needs go unmet, and there is a “blow up” with the friend, partner, or family member where they have to “talk it out” and “make up.”

She made an agreement with herself to take another semester at community college and not look at any homework grades or test grades until the end of the semester, even if it meant she might fail. Instead, she would only allow herself to gauge her success in the class based on how well she retained the knowledge.

This means you’re going to do what’s really best for them, and not what either of you may want. Instead of enabling a friend who’s been living on your couch for six months and won’t get a job, you decide to do what’s really best for them and for you.

Eating healthy, attending to your finances in a responsible way, selecting careful romantic partners in case of accidental reproduction, and building a stable home to insure maximum emotional health for your children are all enormously important for your living legacy.