Slaying Your Fear: A guide for people who grapple with insecurity

The worst fears of the detached person are true: People will abandon you for this openness. Yes, it’s true. People who’ve grown used to you never laying down boundaries will be angry when you suddenly tell them “No.”

This happens when a person sets their measurement of success on getting a specific letter grade, or getting the highest grade in the class. The issue here is not just that they hoped to hit that mark, but that by reaching a successful outcome they believe they will become worthy of love.

Insecure individuals don’t know how to explicitly ask others for what they want.

Sharing needs is not the burden detached people have been led to believe. In fact, as the above exercise shows, sharing needs is an incredible gift to the other party. Sharing disappointments creates an opportunity to build trust and deepen understanding with one another.

Imagine your family is your greatest source of pain. They’re supposed to be the most welcoming and accepting of all the people in your life, but you never feel more alone and more resentful than you do with your family.

A few of the nicer girls tried to befriend her over the years and she mostly clung to the fringes of their social groups, but she never really had a “best friend” and wasn’t invited to many sleepovers.

Without improving yourself and growing, you cannot hope to offer better love to others down the line. If you collapse without your needs met, you cannot give love to others.

If either of the individuals had stopped to ask for clarification on the opposite party’s behaviors or intentions, the issue could be easily resolved. In fact, it’s likely that the other party has no idea whatsoever of the calculations and desperation taking place in the detached person’s mind until the emotional suffering spills over and creates a

By fulfilling the perceived needs of others, the detached person is able to build temporary worth, enough to warrant a reward. The reward they want is for their needs to be met. But they’ll never tell anyone their needs, and won’t cop to them even if asked bluntly, “Is this what you want?”