The bad decisions you make ripple downward through this branching tree of descendants. When you choose to be unhealthy, or when you foolishly spend money, you are risking this entire tree.

When you find yourself becoming angry, upset, scared, or worried, stop and ask your friend, “Before I react, here is what I just heard. [Paraphrase how you interpreted what was just said]. Is that what you meant to say?”

Therein lies a second trap. The insecure person is never really proud of their accomplishments because each accomplishment is just an attempt to stave off abandonment and ostracization for one more minute.

Conversations are no longer a natural flow between people who care for each other, but instead take on the presentation of a performance. This constant performing is why insecure

For people with healthy attachments, every interaction is a chance to increase intimacy. For people with unhealthy attachments, every interaction is a chance to destroy everything they

They want to become someone you respect. Not your approval, but your genuine respect.

But when looking at this from a legacy view, mistakes actually can be quite valuable. That is, as long as you turn those mistakes into lessons you can teach to your descendants to strengthen them against making those mistakes themselves, or help them sort through mistakes they see others make.

If the child gets a D, the parent doesn’t take it personally and doesn’t freak out at the kid. Instead, they sit down and make it clear the child is capable of much better than a D grade, and together they figure out what the most challenging obstacles were.

If you’re angry about outcomes, you’re not investing in people. You’re investing in your own vision for how other people should act. This is a fool’s proposition and leads to endless frustration.