Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem

I’m proud to have since become a person who will face the truth, acknowledge fault, and try to do better.

While this type of compulsive disclosure does afford a kind of relief, it’s only temporary and must be repeated once psychological pain and pressure build up again.

shame in all its varieties “is the hidden power behind much of what occupies us in everyday life.”

Guilt is about what you’ve done, and shame is about who you are.

experience, but the pain of shame uniquely draws attention to who one is and how one appears, to oneself and to others.

she believed that, by virtue of her many years in therapy, she possessed greater insight and self-awareness than Eric, who supposedly knew nothing about himself or the destructive ways he behaved. She was superior and enlightened

In Nicole’s view only two scenarios were possible: either she was entirely right and Eric was to blame for everything; or she was such a messed-up nutcase that we might as well give up and flush her down the toilet.

Hidden feelings of defect, ugliness, and inferiority may drive you into the arms of someone willing to agree that you are perfect.

people who extensively deny their own shame often express contempt for their partners or family members by giving them the silent treatment.