Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
When I ask people to describe desire, some common themes emerge:
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
The Erotic Mind,1 Morin claims the erotic equation lies at the heart of desire and meaningful, fulfilling sex: Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
Likewise, fantasies of shame and humiliation
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
Lehmiller’s research into popular fantasies
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
what Morin calls the “Core Erotic Theme”
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
fantasies can offer us a portal into what engages us, without the need to pathologize, change, or shame what arouses us.
Cyndi Darnell • Sex When You Don't Feel Like It
Should I Tell? While old-school sex therapy often spoke of sharing fantasies with our partners as a means of connection and a definitive insight into the kinds of sex we want, contemporary approaches suggest it is neither necessary nor is it an accurate jumping off point for negotiating new activities, especially if your fantasies are out of sync w
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Time for Reflection Open your notebook to a new page, get a pen and a drink, and relax a while. Allow yourself to recall a time you engaged in some kind of erotic or sexual activity that was especially enjoyable one time, but less so on another. As a note, do not choose something that is too traumatic or upsetting to think about. An example could b
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Studies have suggested that disgust is an “adaptive” or learned psychological response to something outside of ourselves that compels us to move away from the object of our repulsion. In contrast, lust is also an adaptive response that compels us to move toward the object we find appealing.