That they are the initiators of sex with no need to be the desired. That to desire is a masculine “trait” and inherited solely by its fusion with masculine identity.

The “sex bucket” is the place difficult and incomplete emotions go to get processed when they feel too difficult to deal with. In other words, complex erotic fantasies can often be the residents of the emotional “too hard” basket.

“What about,” I asked, “if instead of looking for a universal meaning behind these images, that applied to all of us, there was room for you to inquire about the feelings these images evoke for you, personally. What would that open up for you?”

Over the many and varied years and continents I have worked with human sexuality, I have uncovered tangible elements and values that sexually satisfied people have in common. This insight forms the understanding of sex

When men’s expression of sexual pleasure is derailed in these ways, there is less incentive for them to explore what really turns them on, brings them joy, or enables them to find erotic fulfilment. Evidence suggests that the majority of cis men’s libidos are affected by: feeling desired; exciting and unexpected sexual encounters; intimate

Nor does it say anything to us about what these fantasies mean, if in fact there is any meaning at all.

Culturally he, like all of us, had believed that love and desire were the same (even though his life experiences were very much to the contrary), and if we were to ever think of another during sex, it must mean only negative repercussions.

In effect, sex may be a collection of urges and acts, but eroticism is the way we make such practices and psychological exchanges meaningful.

Scientists and mystics have tried to measure, quantify, and calculate how desire works for many years. They have come up with theories but no definitive answers. This suggests there is no proven method for cultivating and maintaining desire.