Research into cis women’s sexuality is effectively, and predictably, the opposite. The focus is on problems and disorders of desire and arousal and very little on their authentic pleasures and satisfaction.

If anyone knew this about me, they’d dump me, for sure! So instead, we abandon ourselves—vow to never engage with that part of ourselves, bury it deep, deep, way down. After a while, its presence becomes a distant memory but is still felt as a sense of numbing, dullness, bleakness or lethargy, a lack of enthusiasm for play, or a cloak of shame that

Erotic fantasies are as common as daydreaming. The difference is that daydreams are not stigmatized in the way erotic fantasies are.

Over the many and varied years and continents I have worked with human sexuality, I have uncovered tangible elements and values that sexually satisfied people have in common. This insight forms the understanding of sex

Researcher Justin Lehmiller’s studies reveal that it may also work the other way around, insofar as porn can influence our fantasies.

For some reason or other, pleasure is not a default but an afterthought when we talk about sex,

The “sex bucket” is the place difficult and incomplete emotions go to get processed when they feel too difficult to deal with. In other words, complex erotic fantasies can often be the residents of the emotional “too hard” basket.

desire is not simple and straightforward. Nor is it always pleasant. There is an element of tension to it for many of us, and sometimes it is this tension that causes us discomfort while simultaneously being incredibly appealing.

Should I Tell? While old-school sex therapy often spoke of sharing fantasies with our partners as a means of connection and a definitive insight into the kinds of sex we want, contemporary approaches suggest it is neither necessary nor is it an accurate jumping off point for negotiating new activities, especially if your fantasies are out of sync