Sex When You Don't Feel Like It

Beyond this, evidence confirms that cis men in long-term relationships also experience a more fickle relationship with desire.

Research into cis women’s sexuality is effectively, and predictably, the opposite. The focus is on problems and disorders of desire and arousal and very little on their authentic pleasures and satisfaction.

Over the many and varied years and continents I have worked with human sexuality, I have uncovered tangible elements and values that sexually satisfied people have in common. This insight forms the understanding of sex

invite you to reframe your understanding of sex, pleasure, desire, and all we believe it to be. Whether single or partnered, you’ll be lead through a process of sexual discovery that focuses less on “what to think” and “how to be better in bed,” and more on working out how and why sex matters to you. Instead of holding lust as the sole inspiration

Nor does it say anything to us about what these fantasies mean, if in fact there is any meaning at all.

One of the most common fantasies I have encountered working with women are rape fantasies and fantasies of being overpowered. In 100 percent of such cases I have encountered clinically, none of the women said they wanted for this to happen, ever, in real life.

Fantasies about or involving objects or locations may provide an opportunity to externalize certain feelings unrelated to sex, so we can get to know them better from a manageable distance.

Plato spoke of love as a guide to behaving with honor. It was not a lustful endeavor but rather a love between men that had neither to do with sex nor sexuality. It is from Plato’s name that we derive the word “platonic,” describing a connection based on honor rather than desire, implying that the two were mutually exclusive.

Perhaps, fantasies about sex with strangers may be speaking to a desire to be free of pressure, duty, and responsibility to others in our day-to-day lives.