Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence

People of all ages like to be treated like intelligent, sentient beings instead of underlings.

There is a creation story from the mystical legends of Judaism that says that when the universe was brought into being, it split into two parts: the 1 percent world and the 99 percent world. The 1 percent world is the material, physical world that we know so well. When someone sighs and says, “That’s life,” they are talking about the 1 percent worl

There are three things that extroverted children tend to do when upset: they exaggerate the situation and their reactions to it; they project blame; and they threaten drastic action.

But as a rule of thumb, any thought that makes you feel bad or hopeless is probably some form of malware. Legitimate guilt and remorse tend to be fast-acting prompts that move us to corrective action. When we have actually done something wrong, we feel a strong, healthy urge to remedy it. On the other hand, mental malware just makes you feel like a

The loud, adamant ego voice wants you to obey. The still, small voice wants you to think. “Take all the time you need,” it seems to say, “I want you to feel sure about this.” The ego voice says the opposite: “Hurry up! Who cares how you feel? I’ll tell you what’s right!”

The next time it speaks, notice what its values are. For instance, if it keeps berating you for making an error, it is espousing the value that people should be mercilessly punished for being fallible. Now ask yourself if that is in accordance with your values. Would you treat another person that way? Is it one of your cherished values that we shou

have discovered that when I get irritated, I am probably rushing in a way I’m going to regret. Irritation over little things usually means I’m expecting the rest of the world to read my mind and not delay me.

We probably wouldn’t threaten our friends to comply or else, and we wouldn’t announce we are all leaving right now without asking if they were ready. We would not remind our friends repeatedly of what they had not done right, nor would we withhold our love from them until they did what we wanted.

makes us feel ashamed of our true reactions and confused about our motives.

the relationship with EI parents becomes truly problematic because these parents insist on their right to time with their adult child, whether the child wants it or not. This type of parent is often emotionally immature and incapable of the kind of empathy that is necessary for respectful relationships.