Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence

Emotional injuries also soften up that hardened part of us that wants above all to be special and in command.

Anyone raised by an EI parent needs to learn to do the same thing. It can be harder for women when so much of their energy is spent on emotional work. When what you do is not visible or measurable in terms of workload, no one but you can see what things cost emotionally. It is not like having a sore muscle or pulled tendon. Instead, you feel emotio

To begin to get free of the self-critical voice, ask yourself if it is helping or hindering you in building the kind of life that you want for yourself. Is it helping you realize your dreams? Does its input give you strength to persevere? Does it give you productive new ideas that really make things better?

makes us feel ashamed of our true reactions and confused about our motives.

But who lives daily life trying hard? It’s a mistake to think of the selfish behavior as a choice or that the person could be nicer if he or she wanted to. Such people don’t stay mature because they can’t, just like a child on good behavior can’t keep it up forever. You can’t get past the physics of a stretch; it’s only a temporary state.

Sometimes the point of a problem is to walk away from it, not solve it.

You have an inner world that is constantly trying to guide you toward a happier, more fulfilling life if only you will listen to it. But in childhood you may have learned to disregard your inner messages and do what other people thought was right for you. There’s a huge cost for that later, setting you up for living a life that is not what you want

The real payoff of any addiction, whether a substance or a superhuman level of responsibility, is that it anesthetizes you to your deep doubts about your own worth and lovability. Love feels very conditional to any addict, and stressaholics use very busy and overcommitted lives as a subconscious way of finally being good enough. But ultimately, you

For these children as adults, anything less than explicit acceptance from others can threaten their sense of emotional safety.