Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

The courageous answer is to look at this friend and say, “I care about you and I’m sorry that you’re going through a hard time. But I need to talk to you about what’s okay and what’s not okay.”

For those of us who struggle with perfectionism, it’s not difficult to find ourselves in a situation similar to Andrew’s, one where we look back and think, I got sucked into proving I could, rather than stepping back and asking if I should—or if I really even wanted to.

What boundaries need to be in place so that you can stay in your integrity and make generous assumptions about this person’s motivation, intentions, or behaviors?

As Kelly Rae so beautifully demonstrated, boundaries are simply our lists of what’s okay and what’s not okay. In fact, this is the working definition I use for boundaries today. It’s so straightforward and it makes sense for all ages in all situations.

“I have to stop kicking the rock. I need to move it. It’s hurting both of us. He’s not the right person for this position, and there’s no amount of pushing or getting on him that’s going to change that. He needs to be reassigned to a position where he can make a contribution.”

I agreed to do something for someone for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t being generous or kind. I said yes to be likable and to avoid being seen as “difficult.” Moving forward, I give myself permission to ask for what I need—to take care of myself. I can never be sure about the intentions of others, but I believe that assuming the best about other peo

Rather than saying I failed and it feels so crappy, we move to I am a failure. We act out and shut down rather than reaching out.

This story is a great reminder of the power of engaging with a therapist or coach, or being part of a support group that gives us the space to explore our emotions and experiences without judgment.

The core (sometimes the entirety) of my SFD is normally these six sentences with maybe a few notes. The story I’m making up: My emotions: My body: My thinking: My beliefs: My actions: