Love you sons as they are, not as you wish they were. You made mistakes as teen just like I did—and you probably worried about how your father would react. Regardless of how your dad handled your shortcomings, love and accept your son as he is. Never forget that he is a masterpiece in the making.

Surround your son with other good men. Every boy needs role models. You get to be one of them, but you don’t have to be the only one. Introduce your son to other trustworthy mentors. Let these godly men help you carry the load.

Invite your son into your story. You’re a living example of a teenage boy who made it to manhood. Use that to your advantage. Tell him about your struggles and your victories as a teen. In addition, let him share some age-appropriate responsibilities in the present. Set him up for success by making him a part of your journey.

Spend time together. This doesn’t have to be fancy. Just find ways to be together. When my sons were younger, I sometimes took them on the road with me for business trips. Yes, they had to occupy themselves during my meetings, but we always tried to make memories when I was off the clock. We still talk about some of those trips today.

Look for teachable moments. As you’re spending time together, look for opportunities to teach values and character. You don’t have to force a lecture. If you pay attention, the moments will come. For one of my sons, a great teaching time was when he was learning to drive. He was too focused on the road to raise defenses.

Remind him who he is **.** Ultimately, the son you are raising does not belong to you. He is God’s child first and foremost, and that makes him special. He needs to hear that he has worth on a regular basis, especially from you.

Arrange for a rite of passage. In many cultures, boys know when they move into manhood because their society celebrates the milestone. You can plan that kind of milestone event for your son, too. One friend sent his son on a walk around a local lake. Significant men in the boy’s life walked assigned sections of the route with him and gave him words of wisdom about being a man. A rite of passage doesn’t have to be complicated. It just has to tell your son that you believe in him and in his future.

Be honest and transparent. As a dad, you already know that your son has an incredibly sensitive “hypocrite detector.” So, be honest about your mistakes, apologize when necessary, and don’t dodge the hard questions. Be real with him. Don’t be afraid of “I don’t know,” but promise to work through the questions together.

Hold your son accountable. Teen boys don’t want to be raised by a buddy. They want a dad who will call them out in loving ways when it’s needed. He might fight it outwardly, but down deep, he will appreciate it.

Provide a model he can follow. Dads are always at the center of their son’s lives. Even when he seems to be pushing you away, he’s watching to see how you do things. Since more is caught than taught, live with integrity in your relationships with family, friends, and God. He needs to see how it’s done—and he needs to see it from you.

Bob Bunn • Raising Teenage Boys Into Men: A Dad’s Guide