Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore

Do I get angry in a way that causes my child to shrink back, always agree, or hide thoughts and feelings?

meet all circumstances with both grit and grace:

what you see on the surface is a child’s behavior and that what you don’t see is the child’s legitimate need for our shared support and regulation of those needs.

Separation sensitive. Trusting in four truths: (1) I am capable; (2) life isn’t easy; (3) I’m going to have to do a lot of heavy lifting by myself, but only with important others caring in the background; and (4) I have thoughts, feelings, and capacities I avoid at great cost to myself. I can also step away from relationships that do not support me

The issue is that they tend to leave your child feeling like his parent is often “gone.” Simply be aware of your child’s legitimate needs, especially on the bottom of the Circle, and offer a little more availability each week until you can, on a regular basis, allow an extra few minutes of your presence. No quick changes are required. Take it slow.

No one does well without “and”; every heart is still seeking the love it was born to know.

The Challenge: Can you put on the brakes when your shark music tells you to run away? Try to remind yourself that providing what your child needs can keep the demands from increasing.

utilize your innate wisdom to begin spotting potential miscues, especially during times of stress or crisis. That’s when your shark music will tend to play, your empathy will be challenged, and your ability to see versus guess will be compromised.

“Behavior problems” are not a demand for attention. They are a sign that the child finds the cost of revealing his true need higher than living with the painful consequences of the misbehavior.