She thinks she belongs, but the Queen Bee and the Sidekick are just using her; she’ll lose all her friends, then the Queen Bee and her Sidekick will destroy her reputation. Don’t be a Pleaser/Wannabe if you can help it.

You can educate her about how the culture we live in makes it hard to develop an authentic identity and critical thinking skills but very easy to be a mindless consumer of superficial ideas and desires.

keep your sanity and your sense of humor.

Never underestimate her power over other girls (and boys as well). She can and will silence her peers with a look and then turn around and be incredibly nice. But the bottom line is you’re on her side or else—you are with her or against her.

Imagine you and your daughter are on a cruise ship. The cruise director’s job is to make sure your daughter is reasonably happy and entertained. There are scheduled activities, and if by chance she hurts herself, someone will be there to get her back on her feet. She knows most of the people on the ship and everything is familiar. But all of a sudd

It’s also confusing because these standards or rules are often invisible or unwritten. Girls are just supposed to know what these rules are.

the importance of finding an ally for your daughter in those cases where she’s not comfortable talking to you.

Be really careful about judging, because sometimes your gut can give way to your biases.

Parenting is really difficult, and the reward is way down the road when she emerges as a cool adult. Allow me to quote my own mother, who said, “When my children were teens, if I liked them for five minutes a day, that was a good day.”