Philosopher Martha Nussbaum on Anger, Forgiveness, the Emotional Machinery of Trust, and the Only Fruitful Response to Betrayal in Intimate Relationships

Observe when you’re angry—anger is a loss of control over the situation. Anger is a contract you make with yourself to be in physical and mental and emotional turmoil until reality changes. [1]

Anger is transformative, and it is often the peak state we reach before we truly change our lives. This is because anger is not intended to be projected onto someone else; rather, it’s an influx of motivation that helps us change what we need to change within our lives. When we do not see it as such, we tend to bury it, not ever resolving the real

anger is that anger is fundamentally directed at the wrongdoer, on the grounds that the wrongdoing indicates a failure to give a shared answer.

If we are comfortable with and can embody the emotion of anger, then we have no need (or very rare need) to act violently. We will sense when our boundaries are being threatened far earlier and trust ourselves to communicate that and/or adjust our situation to mitigate that threat.

Letting go of anger can be extremely difficult because it gets tied up with our sense of pride, identity, and personal values. Anger can be exhilarating. It can make you feel powerful and alive.

When anger is no longer helpful to us, the most compassionate thing we can do is change our relationship to it, especially by applying the resources of mindfulness and self-compassion. How? The first step is to identify the soft feelings behind the hard feelings of anger. Often anger is protecting more tender, sensitive emotions, such as feeling hu