On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy and Their Own Families

If one is interested in human behavior, in the adaptations and defenses that human beings have to use in order to cope with such stresses, this is the place to learn about it.

in our unconscious, death is never possible in regard to ourselves.

And I would say that I was dumbfounded to find that I requested a chaplain in the middle of the night and there was no night chaplain. I mean this is just unbelievable to me, unbelievable. Because when does a man need a chaplain? Only at night, believe me. That’s the time when you get down with those boxing gloves and have it out with yourself. Tha

Denial is usually a temporary defense

To postpone such talks is often not in the service of the patient but serves our own defensiveness.

If we look at this incident again in an attempt to understand the reactions rather than to judge them, we must realize that this nurse also used avoidance by sitting in a corner reading paperbacks and “at all costs” tried to keep the patient quiet.

The problem here is that few people place themselves in the patient’s position and wonder where this anger might come from.

She was understood rather than judged. She was also allowed to ventilate some of her rage. Once she was able to relieve this burden, she was able to show another side of her, namely one of a warm woman, capable of love, insight, and affection.

A student wrote in a paper that the most amazing aspect of this seminar was perhaps that we talked so little about death itself.