In Japanese, there’s a word for this: gaman (我慢), enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity. There’s no real English synonym, which might explain why we’re drowning in the male loneliness epidemic, dopamine addiction, hustle-culture nihilism, and the self-care industrial complex.

Which is why I think the modern idea of “self-care” is quietly killing our confidence. We’re told to cancel the plan, block the number, cut the “toxic” people, and shrink our world until it feels safe and cozy. But safe isn’t the same as alive.

Maybe I’m a masochist, but how else are you supposed to get wonderful relationships, deep skills, and... See more