No One Understands You and What to Do About It

He showed that while most of us rank intrinsically motivating factors—such as skill development—as the most important to us in our careers, we believe that other people care primarily about extrinsic motivators, like compensation. In other words, we believe that when it comes to work we do, our own values are more noble and authentic than those of

So if you are a very shy and reserved person who reveals next to nothing about your thoughts and feelings to the people around you, then they will know very little about you—aside from the fact that you are shy and reserved, obviously. The danger there is that people will generally fill in the blanks themselves, imagining a whole personality profil

Without realizing it, you—like everyone else—are very likely operating under two very flawed assumptions: first, that other people see you objectively as you are, and, second, that other people see you as you see yourself.

Statistically speaking, there are only weak correlations between how others see us and how we believe we are seen.

We don’t communicate nearly as much information as we think we do. When you say, “He knows what I meant” or “I made myself clear,” chances are, he doesn’t and you didn’t.

When it comes to everything from religious views to favorite flavors of ice cream, people assume you see things as they do.

If people are seeing you the way you see yourself, then you aren’t getting all the unsettling, self-doubt-inducing feedback that the chronically misunderstood have to endure. Life is simply easier and more rewarding when people “get you” and provide you with the opportunities and support that are a good fit for you.

Without the ability to consistently and accurately telegraph our thoughts and intentions to others, none of us can succeed—no individual, no team, and no organization. Communication is vital, but the great irony is that human beings have a surprisingly difficult time when it comes to knowing what exactly they are communicating.

People are much more impressed, whether they realize it or not, by your potential than by your track record. It would be wise to start focusing your pitch on your future, rather than on your past—even if that past is very impressive indeed. It’s what you could be that makes people sit up and take notice.