Nefarious accusation: We’ve given you a fair offer Positive: I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair and we’ll address it

Validate someone’s emotion by acknowledging it

• It seems like...


• It sounds like ...


• It looks like...

Pause to let the label sink in. Other party will fill in the silence

Every 4th verbalization should be a label

Phrases to useWhat makes you ask?What about ____ is important to you?How can I help make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is it that brought us into this situation?How can we solve the problem?What’s the objective / What are we trying to accomplish here?How am I supposed to do that?

Listen intensely → demonstrate empathy + show a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing