Why is effort so terrifying?

When people with a fixed mindset talk about their conflicts, they assign blame. Sometimes they blame themselves, but often they blame their partner. And they assign blame to a trait—a character flaw.

But in relationships, two more things enter the picture—your partner and the relationship itself. Now you can have a fixed mindset about three things. You can believe that your qualities are fixed, your partner’s qualities are fixed, and the relationship’s qualities are fixed—that it’s inherently good or bad, meant-to-be or not meant-to-be.

But first, let’s be clear. For a long time, it’s frightening to think of giving up the idea of

Even when experts are willing to recognize the role of the mind, they continue to insist that it’s all innate!

For them, it was about understanding, forgiving, and moving on.

It’s about learning something over time: confronting a challenge and making progress.

All of us have elements of both—we’re all a mixture of fixed and growth mindsets.

Twyla Tharp, the world-famous choreographer and dancer, wrote a book called The Creative Habit. As you can guess from the title, she argues that creativity is not a magical act of inspiration.