Ambition or escapism?

Is it really ambition or just a form of escapism?

I feel like I’m constantly trying to thread the needle of how I want my life to be without being present. Maybe even writing this is another way I’m trying to excuse myself from actually confronting how I feel.

Everything I want is already written in the stars. Therefore I can relax and be detached.

When I’m scrolling through social media I’m thinking of ways I can incorporate that into my own content or other ideas for work.

I can’t seem to clock out no matter how much I want to. The only time I’m truly distracted without capitalism chasing behind me is watching a show or traveling. Being able to be immersed in someone else’s world rather than actively trying to make mine like an ever changing moodboard.

It also begs the question: who am I when I’m not performing? Would I have the style I have now would I have the interests I have now what things were so shaped by social media and what are the pros and cons.

It’s not a new thought that social media is a highlight reel but it actively encourages you to one up yourself and take all these individuals as inspiration to buy into their “brand” and honestly I’m sick of it. Don’t get me wrong it’s fun but I feel like it fueling my ambition in a way thats counterintuitive. When we look at who the “greats” are they’re always people who truly know themselves to a tee they can’t help but be themselves. The quote ambition without action is anxiety resonates pretty heavily

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Generalist Disease