Mating in Captivity

the tension between security and adventure is a paradox to manage, not a problem to solve.

When the erotic mind senses criticism, it goes into hiding. No longer private, it becomes secretive.

This exercise, though simple, is remarkably illuminating. First, because it lays out exactly how love and desire are parsed in each partner’s mind—how separate they are and how interwoven. Second, it enables me to look at the congruence of these arrangements between partners. As

lived. The evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher says that the hormonal cocktail of romance (dopamine, norepineprine, and PEA) is known to last no more than a few years at best. Oxytocin, the cuddling hormone, outlasts them all.

But Lena’s niceness is precisely what turns her husband off.

But Lena’s niceness is precisely what turns her husband off.

lived. The evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher says that the hormonal cocktail of romance (dopamine, norepineprine, and PEA) is known to last no more than a few years at best. Oxytocin, the cuddling hormone, outlasts them all.

Paradoxically, ruthlessness is a way to achieve closeness.

Where there is nothing left to hide, there is nothing left to seek.