I see people who know they are loved, but who long to be desired.

Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.

This fertile arrangement worked reasonably well until the day it didn’t. As so often happens, there is a moment when we recognize that what we’re doing is no longer working.

Personal intimacy demarcates a private zone, one that requires tolerance and respect. It is a space—physical, emotional, and intellectual—that belongs only to me. Not everything needs to be revealed. Everyone should cultivate a secret garden.

I see people who are such good friends that they cannot sustain being lovers. I see lovers who hold so tenaciously to the idea that sex must be spontaneous that they never have it at all. I see couples who view seduction as too much work, something they shouldn’t have to do now that they’re committed.

Where there is nothing left to hide, there is nothing left to seek.

they created a space between them into which desire could flow more freely.

It is so complete—and our need to feel safe is so profound—that we will do anything not to lose them.

For some of us, love and desire are inseparable. But for many others, emotional intimacy